Sunday, January 31, 2016

Just a Few Words


Dear mom, she never cared too much about gardening. It was dad who had the green thumb.. just more work for her, having both hands full with us kids. Bless her. What to do with "all those tomatoes" for instance. Surely that thought came to her one blistering hot day in late August thinking of the job ahead; canning the back garden harvest. That summer day is my earliest and most vivid tomato memory.

A lady from church came by to visit and Mom, generous as she always was, but going a tad overboard, gave her the whole lot from the garden. I mean every single one of dad's cherished red tomatoes. I don't think she really meant to give it all to our visitor but, caressed with encouragement she just, got carried away. Well you could have lit a match and no more fireworks could ever erupt from that house then when dad arrived home from work! I smile now at the unfortunate memory but some days, when I am here working in the kitchen trying to 'put by' as they say, I feel perhaps mom had a good idea there. (Sometimes fireworks are worth enduring, if you don't have to can tomatoes ;-) By the way, I did speak up to mom and the church lady that dad 'won't be happy' in my quiet be a good little girl voice...and the lady with her three bags full did have a glimpse, just a tiny glimpse of guilt on her face, but only for a moment...then she walked out the front door like a queen...the 'tomato queen'.
Life is turning to a new normal here. Most of dad's old seed catalogues, given to me decades ago are read year after year. As for the new catalogues of today, they've been poured over, penciled and stuck with fluttery sticky notes. Needless to say, that first list is the "I want all of it" list. After that, is the "smarten up Brenda" list. But soon, the orders will go in and soon, we will start our own tomatoes and the new growing year.  Never to be like any other year before; a new beginning built on the past, including its loss.
You see... mom passed away days before Christmas eve, so you can imagine what it was like saying goodbye to the matriarch of our family who LIVED for Christmas. Her generosity was overwhelming, all of her life. "Do good and be kind". Those words would sum up my mother's life. Someone recently said to comfort: as long as that person lives in you, they are not gone, nor are they forgotten. I do feel her there, inside, in my heart and mind, and although she doesn't respond to my questions, my pleas or my jokes, she is there. Thankfully.

Magnolia blooms are asleep, warm in their furry pods. Witch Hazel 'Diane' has been feasted on, but the rabbits own the garden too, and the birds and the squirrels. We must provide for the littlest among us. Hope, and promise, the words and value of spring shared recently here. We must have hope and there is promise. For now, that is what sustains.


Linked to dear friend Pondside.


20 comments:

  1. I grew cherrie tomatoes one year, I had no idea what to do with the big bucket load of little tomatoes I had that fall day. I thought the kids might eat them..but they tasted awful. I gave them all away. Every last one.

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    1. Well 'ya know', Farmer Don, think I could pop a few seeds of Mexico Midget to you, in the mail, and there is no way, anyone, would give those sweeties away. Thanks for your comment and big Hugs. Not all Cherry tomatoes are created equal and it took a long time for me to figure that out.

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  2. What a poignantly beautiful post, Brenda. You are walking the road ahead of me and I so appreciate the effort it must take to be so candid - and I am so grateful. I wish I'd met your mother. It's lovely that she is so present to you, in memory. I am sure that her voice will stay alive and vibrant for you always. It sounds like the memories are coming thick and steady - what a gift.
    Thinking of you, often.

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    1. Thank you xox. Walking the road ahead of you. Yes, and I so hope yours is gentler. Loved what you said about mom being "so present with you". Maybe I am where, I cannot accept she is gone. Not yet.

      Thinking of you often, as well. Mom would have loved you and you do know her. She is inside you too, with our DNA connection.

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  3. Sad to hear of your mum's passing,glad she was a kind person

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    1. Thank you so much. xo What do they say...generous to a fault. A good and deeply kind person. I thought of you many times the past while. I have taken a new interest in ceramics, and it gives me great comfort. Your pots always come out in spring...perfect those lovely little bulbs of snowdrops. Thanks GZ

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  4. A lovely story reminds me of a trick my sister and I played on my dad. He always checked whether his first tomato was ripe when he came home from work even before he came into the house, One day we took a red tomato from the kitchen and tied it on his plant. He came in full of how he had a red tomato but the pride was short lived when he saw us laughing!

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    1. Loved reading of the trick you and your sister played on your dad. Sue, you must have had to suffer the silence of the giggles but the eruption had to have been true bliss. Thank you so much.

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  5. I loved your story, Brenda it so made me laugh. So sorry to hear about your Mum. It's good to have all the memories.

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    1. Yes it is good to have all the memories but I don't feel she is gone. Denial I guess..in a sort of spirit way. She bore your name Margaret. Thank you for you kind comment.

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  6. What a lovely way to remember you mother and how this little story indicates was a kind and generous woman she was. Your tomato season from beginning to end will always be filled by happy memories of her.

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    1. Rosemary, thank you. She was so kind and generous. With gardening I had to struggle with a memory to keep it based on my theme...and since I wrote this, the memory says even more to me than canning. Mom had spirit, that's for sure, but kindness in her heart and soul, always.

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  7. Oh Brenda, I am so sorry to read of your loss. No doubt your Mother's generous spirit is with you always as you share your garden with us all. She will no doubt always be with you no matter where you go. Big hugs.

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    1. Thank you Lisa for your kind and comforting words. Most sincerely appreciated.

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  8. What a wonderful, heartfelt story - I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's those lovely memories that will sustain you. I too am a few steps behind you as my dad isn't well - but we are making the most of what time he has left by living in the present and trying not to dwelling too much on what the future will bring.

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    1. Thank you Margaret, I am so pleased you enjoyed the story. Very sorry to read your dad is unwell but you are doing the right thing, make the most of what time is left and be in the present. Those were new words to me "be in the present" when going through a loss (whether a long goodbye or not) but they are so true.

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  9. So sorry to hear the sad news about your Mom. Those memories you shared are so lovely and memories will stay with us for ever. Thinking of you when the pain is still so raw. Sarah x

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    1. Sarah, thank you. In some ways, I was trying to explain my absence and my loss of lust for life and writing. Although still raw, yes, the wounds are healing over, like a limb removed from a tree. Thank you xo

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  10. Your mom sounded like a very special person. I am sorry for your loss.

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    1. Thank you Sweetbay. You are very kind to send your comment and it is so appreciated.

      I moved my baptisia last year and thought of you. Sorry there has been so little communication. Things are improving. merci

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